Not the best thing that could have happened but by no means the worst either. I think you are really in OK shape if you get a little creative.
First of all, it is virtually impossible that striking the exhaust would or even could do any internal engine damage. As someone already said, the impact almost certainly broke the seal between the manifold pipe and the head but probably did no other damage. So fixing the exhaust will fix all your problems.
You could take the manifold to a fabrication shop, have them cut the bottom of the crushed pipe out and replace it with a new piece of pipe. A lot of physical work but not very expensive.
There are certainly used headers available in the US at reasonable prices. We could procure one here and send it to you. The two problems with that are time (probably a couple of weeks to get there) and cost- something that large and oddly shaped will be somewhat expensive. There might be problems with import tariffs too but usually shipping the item as 'repaired and returned under warranty' works for that.
If you do choose to do something that takes a bit of time, you might want to try to seal the header pipe against the head. If the pipe is bent, it might take some kind of caulking material to seal it up. It does not have to be pretty nor does it have to last forever but if the noise is substantial it might be worth addressing while you get a new header.
And by the way, yes the word is manifold or header (either one is correct, not quite the same but both work in this instance). Even your cursing is correct and nothing says fluency like swearing is a foreign language....
Let us know if you want to pursue shipping one over from the colonies.
Brian
Edited to add: Just thought of this- your headers use O2 sensors while ours do not. The flat spot is in our headers where the bung goes but it is not drilled. You would have to drill two holes, add the bungs and have them welded in. Absolutely doable and not overly expensive but it does make the US header more work to use.
I went to take money from the ATM yesterday and when I drove off I had to go down a curb. This f---ing thing was higher than I saw and the bike ended in this position:
<snip>
The result is that now one of the pipes coming out of the exhaust (whatever that's called in English... manifold, perhaps?) down there has a curb-shaped bump, and a noise suddenly started. It sounds like an exhaust valve badly adjusted. Three things come to mind:
- the manifold (part number 39178) ist one of the most expensive part of the whole damn bike 
and I hate coffing that kind of money for such an uneventful thing. I wasn't doing 200 mph on the wrong lane, for f--- sake!
- every single part of the bike seems to be available for buying in Germany from crashed bikes, not this one.
- why do I now have this noise now? could one of the shims come out of place from such a hit? or is it something else? with my limited knowledge, it does sound like a valve. It is stormy here in Munich since yesterday evening, but if the weather gives me a break I'll drop by the dealer today after work.
I am properly, epically pissed.
