I went to the pub last night, had a shot of Jack Daniels and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said to her, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"
I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now. "
***
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."