A thread on this board pre-crash between Hogboy and Chornby (Chris Hornby, he who must not be named), triggered by a pic of a buxom beauty:
MOM?!?!?!?
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Honey?
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DAD?!?!?
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Son?
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3 birthday cards. 10 years. That's all!
YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING FOR MILK. Was it my fault, daddy? Did I do something wrong, daddy?
Pappa?
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There was this clerk - at the Stop & Shop! When she smiled a me, she had the most beautiful tooth I ever saw.
On her left forearm, just like me, she had a tatoo "I love Bobbie Jean".
As we talked about trucks, guns and NASCAR over matching Pina Colada Slurpys, we suddenly realized - "Damn - we're cousins!!!!"
What could I do Son - you find true love very rarely in this short life of ours.
I always planned on goin' back for you. Dog sure misses you!!
Her name is Sharonda! If she keeps behavin', she'll get out in September - 2009!! We'll have such a good time catchin' up.
Glad to run into ya Son! By the way, could ya loan Pop a few bucks???
Daddy - I like the sound o' that!!
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I keep a cigar-box bank account in the closet in mom's old apartment. You know, the one you left us at?? The drunk guy one the first floor takes a little now and then when he's not sweating all over mom. You should call. I have to call him Uncle Joey. He smells.
I MISS YOU DADDY!!
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Joe, the drunk on the first floor! I allsways knew your Momma had a sweet spot for him.
Dr. Phil says it is important for a growin' boy to have a stable home environment. At least you and your Momma have been livin' in the same place for quite a spell now (I bet it even smells like a stable with Joe around there) - you must know most uh the kids around there. I bet some of 'em even look like you!!
Bein' with your 2nd cousin Sharonda, we hardly ever even unloaded the truck we were movin' around so much ('til she got caught ocourse!).
But I been livin' in a real nice 12 X for almost three years now. Pretty soon, me and your Uncle Jimmy Joe Bob are gonna take the wheels offa her and put her on blocks - real permanent.
Then maybe you can come for a visit (don't tell your Momma!!)
If you can send me a few dollars so I can buy blocks, the whole thing should be done before Spring!!
I'm lookin real forward to gettin' a letter from you, SON.
Daddy
ps - Don't forget to send the money
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Papa, I went an got me wunna dem thar pay-pal accounts an I went an sent the money off to the email address you dun sent me... domycuzin@bobstrailerpark.inbreed.org is that right?
yeah, I went and dun sent it good.
I also sent you some new chrom cinder blocks for the trailer, for the pickup and for the pinto.
Seeing as how I'm doing so good at my burger flippin' job, seemed the least I could do.
Joe's parole officer gives me a quarter every time he comes to visit mom when joe's at work. I call him uncle tony. They sure do like the rasslin' in mama's room. I heard them groanin' and a-gruntin' for about on to two hours yesserday.
yeah, believe it... joe got a job. he's a stock boy at the pawn shop where mama's weddin' ring is. Imagine the luck, huh?
luv you daddy. i hope i can meet my new mommy soon. old mommy is crashed on the couch again, so i can use the compooter just about any time i wanna.
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You always was a good boy!! And you got ya a job!!! Keep it up Son, you'll be a Manager Trainee in 4 or 5 years.
Your Ma pawned her weddin' ring?? I'll be durned - it was just a brass ring I grabbed of the Merry-go-Round at the County Fair. Has your Mom been hangin' round the Pawn Shop too with that One-eyed cheat who owns it???
Last weekend, me and your GramPa, Cousin Tyrell, went upState to visit your new Step-Mom. On the way back, we had some trouble with the truck. If you can find your way to sendin' your Pa a few bucks to help get the truck fixed I'd surely depreciate it.
Keep up the good work Son. And a little burger-cookin tip from your Old Man. Stop squishin them burgers with the flipper while there on the grill. They might cook faster, but it sqeezes all the grease outa them, and thats what people eat burgers for - they want 'em juicy!!!
Don't forget to sent that dough!!! Daddy
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*snicker*
Ok, I just can't keep this up any more. I just spit my drink all over the office and people are looking at me funny
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Thank gooness!! I were runnin' outa stuff to talk about anyway!!!!!!!
Obviously, you are a man of wit, humor, intellect, and other stuff like that!!!!!
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ah, garsh, pa... *blush*