Yesterday my nephew again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.
 
Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be his favorite topic of conversation. He was only thinking of me and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
 
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach him a lesson about staying out of my business. I told him that I had joined a parachute club.
 
He said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 72 years old and you 're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
 
I proudly showed him that I even got a membership card.
 
He said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
 
"I'm in trouble again, and I don 't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week." I told him
 
He fainted.
 
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening
with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking
for
a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and
showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want
something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler
said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her wholebody trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by
check. " I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write now
and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the
ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no
money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

:

"I have outlived my pecker."
                         A Poem - by Willie Nelson
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing.
It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave.
For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!

:

"I have outlived my pecker."
                         A Poem - by Willie Nelson
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing.
It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave.
For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!

 
I suppose that may or may not be funny, depending on one's current "situation" 

Doth we speak from experience?

never !!!

.

I'm starting to take 1/4 of a Viagra pill just so I don't pee on my shoes 

Doth we speak from experience?

Nope!!  I'm still a young whipper snapper!!