Kawasaki Concours Forum
Mish mash => Funny Pages => Topic started by: redzgrider on January 16, 2012, 08:37:38 AM
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Chuck Norris doesn't blink. Reality pauses.
Chuck Norris is what makes the Central Nervous System nervous
Chuck Norris doesn't listen to heavy metal, he eats it for breakfast.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokémon cards
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago; Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Some magicians can walk on water; Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can sneeze while holding his breath
Chuck Norris doesn't make left turns because everything he does is right
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
When Chuck Norris plays Pac-Man the ghosts stay in their box
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
If Chuck Norris were to ever run out of ammo, his weapon would continue to fire out of fear of disappointing Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can check his Facebook on a typewriter.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can make a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When you think that you are looking at Chuck Norris' picture, think again. He's looking at you.
Chuck Norris can't make 3D films. The roundhouse kick in 3D would kill.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to beat a brick wall at Tennis
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony the rattle snake died
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler. With him inside it.
The dinosaurs once owed Chuck Norris money. They never paid him back...
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won't be able to find you.
Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear. Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can dive in the sea without getting wet. The water knows what will happen if you touch Chuck.
Chuck Norris was to star in Mission: Impossible but they recast it because they would've had to change the name of the movie to Mission: Accomplished
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. There is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris didn't shoot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Some people have arachniphobia, some people have claustrophobia......Everybody has Chuckaphobia
Chuck Norris out-negotiated William Shatner.
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
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Chuck Norris invented the giraffe. He gave a horse an uppercut and, "Voila!"
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Before there was Chuck.......There was Bruce Lee. RIP
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Chuck Norris can nail jello to a tree.
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he does Earth-downs.
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Chuck is a punk (I am his stunt double) who can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag ;) I tell him to jump, and he pees his pants. I feel so sorry for the guy I let him keep all the profits from anything that carries his name. Chuck is a nutcase, he still can't get over that Wonder Woman/Invisible Man thing. Pee Wee Herman likes Chuck because it's nice knowing you aint the weekest action figure.
;D
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I'm thinking that a roundhouse kick to the face is in order...
chuck norris - roundhouse kick OMG (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOIRJi1YWY8#)
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See what I mean? One kick and Chuck was down for the count ;D He only signed up because it was supposed to be a no contact tournament :o
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Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a "Who Has More Testicles Contest." Chuck Norris won by 5.
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his own hands.
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I am out. You had me at 'Chuck Norris..."
Hysterical all.
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Chuck Norris' penis has a kickstand.
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Chuck Norris' penis has a kickstand.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA, that one got me.
:rotflmao:
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Chuck Norris' penis has a kickstand.
Shortened? (http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb336/jaywilcox/smiley_dunno.gif)
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I thought side stands were normal, you guys saying you aint got one ;)
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I thought side stands were normal, you guys saying you aint got one ;)
Center stand works best here SoP... (http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb336/jaywilcox/smiley_dunno.gif)
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If Chuck Norris was the last human on earth, the human race would still have a fighting chance.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is.
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Chuck Norris......He's what Wyllis was talkin bout.
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Chuck Norris' penis is so big that it has it's own penis. That smaller, secondary penis is bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris once shaved his beard. Behind it was a third fist.
Some people kill two birds with one stone, Chuck Norris kills all birds with no stones.
Chuck Norris taught Drill Sergeant School for the US Army... as a PFC.
What do you get when you cross Chuck Norris and a cheetah? Chuck Norris, but slower.
Kevin Bacon can be connected to any actor in Hollywood using "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon". Chuck Norris is standing behind you right now.
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People once watched Chuck Norris wrestle a 78 pound boa constrictor for three days. Then realized he was only masturbating.
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Slovaks want 'Chuck Norris' bridge to Austria ???
BRATISLAVA — Slovak pedestrians and cyclists may soon be crossing to neighbouring Austria on a new bridge named Chuck Norris, as the US action hero appeared set to win an Internet vote on the bridge name.
As of Friday, 3,545 people voted in favour of naming the bridge to the Morava river after the famous martial artist and actor, while only only 266 chose the 18th century Austro-Hungarian empress Maria Theresa
The naming poll was launched by the the Bratislava regional assembly on its Facebook page.
The final decision will be up to the Bratislava assembly but regional governor Pavol Freso said he wanted the public to approve the name of the bridge, which is scheduled to open this summer.
Norris, who starred in the hit television series "Walker, Texas Ranger," commonly features in jokes told in the central European country.
In 2006, Norris also ranked among the top choices for the name of a bridge in the Hungarian capital Budapest. :loco: :loco: :loco: :loco: ???
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Slovaks want 'Chuck Norris' bridge to Austria ???
BRATISLAVA — Slovak pedestrians and cyclists may soon be crossing to neighbouring Austria on a new bridge named Chuck Norris, as the US action hero appeared set to win an Internet vote on the bridge name.
As of Friday, 3,545 people voted in favour of naming the bridge to the Morava river after the famous martial artist and actor, while only only 266 chose the 18th century Austro-Hungarian empress Maria Theresa
The naming poll was launched by the the Bratislava regional assembly on its Facebook page.
The final decision will be up to the Bratislava assembly but regional governor Pavol Freso said he wanted the public to approve the name of the bridge, which is scheduled to open this summer.
Norris, who starred in the hit television series "Walker, Texas Ranger," commonly features in jokes told in the central European country.
In 2006, Norris also ranked among the top choices for the name of a bridge in the Hungarian capital Budapest. :loco: :loco: :loco: :loco: ???
Can't name it "Chuck Norris" - NOBODY crosses Chuck Norris.
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Ahhhnold would have been back...but he ran into Chuck Norris.