Author Topic: Greatest Lies (Read 4071 times)

Deziner · « **on:** January 29, 2015, 06:15:14 PM »

The Greatest Lies you have ever heard. I'll start....

"Read my lips. No new taxes!"

gPink · « **Reply #1 on:** January 29, 2015, 06:42:53 PM »

I'm from the Government and I'm here to help you.

tweeter55 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 29, 2015, 07:10:08 PM »

The check is in the mail.

Ron Dawg · « **Reply #3 on:** January 29, 2015, 07:47:15 PM »

Original, one owner miles.

Nosmo · « **Reply #4 on:** January 29, 2015, 07:53:45 PM »

"I love you."

"No, I'm not seeing anyone else." (She was pregnant with another guy's child.)

"The company is not, repeat NOT, reducing the workforce. We need all the employees we have." (I was laid off one week later, along with three others. They laid off over 60 in the following three months.)

"Everyone who works four/tens can keep their schedule, we are not going to make them switch to five eight-hour days." (Two weeks later the four/ten schedule was eliminated, and everyone went to five/eights.)

Santa Claus

Easter Bunny

Tooth Fairy

"For sale: Three-year old Harley, never down, never ridden in the rain, no time to ride."

Stasch · « **Reply #5 on:** January 29, 2015, 08:33:37 PM »

"the days of $2 gas are over"

Cholla · « **Reply #6 on:** January 29, 2015, 08:36:01 PM »

If you like your plan/doctor, you can keep it.

The bill will cost X dollars and will save money.

This is the first I've heard of it.

Deziner · « **Reply #7 on:** January 29, 2015, 09:03:33 PM »

I've never done this before

He's just a friend

MAN OF BLUES · « **Reply #8 on:** January 30, 2015, 01:22:45 AM »

I won't ---- in your mailbox,

the checks in your mouth

oh wait, bit dyslexic

....

wahrsuul · « **Reply #9 on:** January 30, 2015, 04:07:11 AM »

Dentist: "This won't hurt a bit."

Doctor: "It's nothing to worry about, but I'd like a second opinon."

Car Salesman: "It was owned by a little old lady..."

Wife/SO: "Do whatever you want!"

Wife/SO: "Nothing's wrong!"

My Dad: "Hold this spark plug against the block while I crank it over. It'll be fine...."

wahrsuul · « **Reply #10 on:** January 30, 2015, 04:09:19 AM »

The truth: Women fall in love with what they hear, and men fall in love with what they see. That's why men lie, and women wear makeup.

I heard a young girl say that Disney had giver her unrealistic expectations about men. I countered that porn had given me unreastic expectations about women....

tweeter55 · « **Reply #11 on:** January 30, 2015, 05:34:14 AM »

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman"

gPink · « **Reply #12 on:** January 30, 2015, 05:57:24 AM »

Quote from: tweeter55 on January 30, 2015, 05:34:14 AM

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman"

....but we did share a good cigar...

VirginiaJim · « **Reply #13 on:** January 30, 2015, 06:18:28 AM »

One of my best clients said he would see me later....he went blind.

Rhino · « **Reply #14 on:** January 30, 2015, 06:39:39 AM »

Never been dropped

Deziner · « **Reply #15 on:** January 30, 2015, 06:41:26 AM »

Cop: "How many drinks have you had?"

Reply: "2"

gPink · « **Reply #16 on:** January 30, 2015, 06:45:16 AM »

Quote from: VirginiaJim on January 30, 2015, 06:18:28 AM

One of my best clients said he would see me later....he went blind.

ouch!

gPink · « **Reply #17 on:** January 30, 2015, 06:48:06 AM »

Quote from: Deziner on January 30, 2015, 06:41:26 AM

Cop: "How many drinks have you had?"

Reply: "2"

Cop: Do you know why I stopped you?

Reply: Uh, no.

Rhino · « **Reply #18 on:** January 30, 2015, 07:03:39 AM »

“the entire North ‘polarized’ cap will disappear in 5 years.” Al Gore 2008

Cholla · « **Reply #19 on:** January 30, 2015, 09:16:57 AM »

I will be there when the cal comes at 3 am.

I've ben a salesman all my life. I have no reason to lie to you.

News:

Author Topic: Greatest Lies (Read 4071 times)