I received this email, and thought I'd pass it on!
Drafting
Guys Over 60
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I am over 60 and the Armed
Forces thinks I'm too old to track down
terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the
military. They've got the whole thing
ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off
to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join a military
unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think
about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think
about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to
concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a
cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back
hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and
hungry." We are impatient and maybe
letting us kill some asshole that desperately
deserves it will make us feel better and shut us
up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys
always get up early to pee, so what the hell.
Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep
and since I'm already up, I may as well be up
killing some fanatical s.o.b."
If captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget
where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to
getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to
soft food. We've also developed an appreciation
for guns. We've been using them for years, as an
excuse to get out of the house, away from the
screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.
I've been in combat and didn't see a single
20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor
did I ever do any pushups after completing basic
training.
Actually, the running part is
kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never
seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still
learning to shave and to start up a conversation
with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out
that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes,
not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a
little more about life before sending them off
into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down
those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last
thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of
million pissed off old farts with attitudes and
automatic weapons who know that their best years
are already behind
them.
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How about
recruiting women over 50 ... in menopause!!! You
think men have attitudes!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my
God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol.
They will have it secured the first
night!
