OK, I went off line to compose this
I believe it was back in 91'...when it happened.
I had travelled extensivly in Canada my whole life, both with my parents as a child,going to our cabin to fish and vacation, and as an adult, to hunt, assist in guided hunts, and enjoy.
Never again.
Planned for a whole year, to take a friend to Shining Tree, way up north, wayyyyyyyyy up there, to bear hunt and assist as a guide. Planning was meticulous, and we planned to stay almost a month, so MUCH gear was needed.
All needed customs papers had been gone over, every firarm, camera, scope, anything "Canada deems saleable" had been documented, and pre-submitted for both of us.....this is a real envolved process, going to our U.S customs office with lots of guns and stuff, having each one examined, recorded and papers for each in order... it takes days.
After packing and protecting everything from the weather in the bed of my new truck, a 6 hour ordeal, we left, and travelled to cross the Peace Bridge....arriving right about 12:01 a.m., on Friday night trek.....upon approach, there were 4 lanes at the canadian crossing point, with about 10 cars each, and all of a sudden a "green light" came on in a new lane, we rolled right up. Sweet.
Having cleared the U.S. side with a very respectful and thourough document sweep, we were told all we needed to do was to present our paperwork, so have it handy.
there has been mention about female border agents....
we rolled up on one with a tude.
2 Bubba's, wearing NRA hats was all it took,
WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CROSS THE BORDER WEARING AN NRA HAT..
the convo want kinda like this:
Agent: where are you coming from?
Bubba#1 (me): xxxxx, Ohio, U.S.A.
Agent: where are you going and what is the purpose of your travel?
Bubba#1: Shining Tree lodge, Shining Tree Ontario, for a 3 week bear hunt, would you like to see our customs papers for our firearms ma'm?
Agent: are you carrying any produce, liquer,citrus fruit, tobacco, firearms, or prohibited items?
Bubba#1: yes, 1/2 gallon of liquer per person, sealed; 2 cartons of cigarettes each, sealed, no produce, no citrus, no prohibited items, would you like to see our customs papers for our firearms ma'm?
BIOTCH: what kinds of Firearms?
Bubba#1: Here is the list ma'm, it's all right here...
Biotch: I asked you what kind of firearms..sir, I didn't ask you for paperwork...
Bubba#1:
1 compound bow, with sights,24 arrows, with broadhead tips, in a locked case.
1 .30-06 remington semi-automatic rifle, 4 magazines
1 7mm Remington magnum BSA bolt action rifle, with scope.
1 Marlin .30-30 lever action rifle, no scope
1 12 gauge Winchester pump action shotgun
1 12 gauge....
biotch: are you transporting any ammunition?
Bubba#1: yes, I have papers right...
biotch: what kind of ammunition?
Bubba#1: excuse me, do you mean what Brand? Or what?
Bitch: what kind of ammunition?
Bubba#1: ammunition for every firearm I began telling you about, and it's listed here on these notorized forms that were stamped by U.S. customs 4 minutes ago.....
superBiotch: ummmm hmmmmm.... and what about you mister?.....hey, I'm talking to you...
BUBBA#2: me?, you talking to me?, just want to make sure .....
biotch: yes, you, I don't see anyone else in the truck....
BUBBA#2: Excuse me, (spits big goober of Mail Pouch into pop can he is holding) Yes ma'm, what would you like?
Agent: where are you coming from?
Bubba#2 Mikey: xxxxx, Ohio, U.S.A.
Agent: where are you going and what is the purpose of your travel?
Bubba#1: Shining Tree lodge, Shining Tree Ontario, for a 3 week bear hunt, same place as the man driving this truck, would you like to see our customs papers for our firearms ma'm?
Agent: are you carrying any produce, liquer,citrus fruit, tobacco, firearms, or prohibited items?
Bubba#1: yes, 1/2 gallon of liquer per person, sealed; 2 cartons of cigarettes each, sealed, no produce, no citrus, no prohibited items, would you like to see our customs papers for our firearms ma'm?
BIOTCH: what kinds of Firearms?
Bubba#1: Here is the list ma'm, it's all right here...
Biotch: I asked you what kind of firearms..mister, I didn't ask you for paperwork...
BUBBA#2: I hear you, and understand, just trying to help effeciently in your line of questioning, here's the list (handing me his papers), I have packed in locked storage cases the following guns;
1 marlin lever action rifle, .....
Biotch: Pull over there, where that man is standing. do not exit the vehical until told to.
Bubba#1 & Bubba #2: ok, thanks......
Contraband examination post parking lot...
Agent #2: exit the vehical, place your hands on your head, and walk to the rear of the vehical. NOW.
Bubbas: sure thing.
Agent: leave the doors open fully and keys in the ignition....
(generic ball feeling and pat down ensues, with the normal result...pocket knives on each, both legal 2 " blades... no foul yet boys)
Agent#2: I am going to search this vehical for contrband items, is there anything to declare
Bubbas: we have legally customs documented firearms, and ammunition, in locked cases here in the bed of the truck, would you like to examine them, and see our papers?
Agent: sure, after I search the truck, unlock the cases, and get them all out. (proceds to rifle thru the inside of the cab, not a fibre untouched...... before walking back to us complying with his orders)
Agent#2: Whats this? (holding up a leather case, containing a set of Bruce Lee signature "Game of Death" Nanchucks....) (removing them and dangling them now on his middle finger by the cord)
These are illeagle here in Canada, no different than a concealed handgun... you'll be surrendering these to the Queen!!!
Bubba#1: well that's pretty rediculous, but whatever... do you have any intention of examining all these firearms here we've laid out for you? It's raining, and I really hate to have them getting wet...
AgentAhole: I'll have someone look at them, right now we are going inside, you will be surrendering these to The Queen, and recieve paperwork noting the infraction, come with me.
Bubba#1: fine. (as I began to leave I looked at Bubba#2, and motioned to close the truck door, I grabbed the keys, and slammed the doors, following the Douchbag inside...we waited about 15 minutes while a team of "trained experts" ripped every item contained in the bed of the truck, bagged and waterproofed for our trip, and double wrapped in 20 x 20 poly tarps, out of it's packed condition, ansd strewn into a 20 foot square area, in the rain......before completing the paper work to "surrender my nanchucks to The Queen"...
Agentdoofus: (upon surrendering) you are free to continue on your trip now, is there anything you have to say now that we have completed our "investigation"
Bubba#1: may I speak freely, or will I suffer repurcssions from the Queen for voicing my opinions about our treatment here?
DouchbagAgaent: you may say whatever you want, it makes no difference now.
Bubba#1: that's good.....when The Queen gets my nanchucks, tell her to shove one in.........and make sure you are there to work the string for her....you idiot.
We re-packed the truck, and continued our expedition, scoring nicely on bear, and both vowed never to spend another american dollar in The Queen's Domain....haven't since, proll'y never will again.
BUBBAS....GOTTA LOVE US YANKS......