wife has fear of death if I continue to ride, What to do?

[gPink]

Women, especially mothers, are by nature security oriented. Her fears are real and justified. What we do is an added risk to that security. Have you sat down with your wife and gone over what would be necessary if you were incapacitated or dead? Life insurance, will, living will, medical power of attorney. Have you got a plan for kids education and debt payment to leave your family secure. As mentioned all this is necessary whether you ride or not. An honest and realistic assessment of these concerns with your wife may alieviate some of her anxiety. On the same subject what would your needs be if your wife was gone? Would you still ride knowing your children would be left alone if something happened to you? We live and die by our choices. Choose wisely grasshopper.

[Pokey]

Thanks guys the input is appreciated,
She seems to get it that I could die taking a walk to the store or driving a car or thousands of other things. She feels that the motorcycle is an unnecessary risk that I take and she considers it selfish that I do it without consideration for the family. But motorcycles is the only thing I do outside of the family.
Hopefully I can convince her that if I take some advanced riding course or something that will her easy her fears. Just need to find a way to lower her anxiety level a bit when I ride.

I friggin hate when a woman says something like that......my wife has done it "once" and only once.   You have every right to ride, and her making you feel bad about it is just plain wrong and selfish.

[skeet]

No chance she will start riding just not her thing. Life insurance is up to date and would cover everything so no worries there. Wife lost her dad when she was nine and I think that is having an impact on her. Our kids are 10, 8, and 6. Lots to consider never felt that my riding would get me here.

[sherob]

I was taken out by a truck in 2005... crossed in front of me, almost missed him too   I ended up with a herniated disc and $2500 damage to my then two week old ST1300.  Not a word out of my wife's mouth about not riding.

I was rear ended 2 years ago on my C14, $2000 damage to it... I was able to ride away without injury.  Not a word again about not riding.

My daughter hurt her ankle when she slipped dismounting the Wing in 2008... never heard the end of it.  LOL!!!

Consider it her way of showing how much she cares for you.   

[ZG]

  Congrats....I've been married for so long that I dont even look both ways when I cross the street

 

[oldsmoboat]

Show her the statistics for automobile injuries/deaths in a year. Then tell her you want to buy a sports-car.
Either that or get a million dollar life ins policy; my wife would carry me out to my bike grinning all the way.

Co-worker's wife made him do just that to ride.  A year or so later she was a millionaire.   

[tonedeaf]

Well, you could start talking about getting an airplane.

[yoman]

Well, you could start talking about getting an airplane.

Or getting out of one.

[Strawboss]

You aren't going to convince her, you aren't going to change her, give her more credit than that, bribing never works, plus, shes not sick, shes not broke. All you can do is help her live more comfortably with her fears, which will always be there. From you posts you understand the basis of her fears, its a rational fear. Its also evident you have sat down with her and talked about this, another good sign. A hard choice you need to make. Ride for you, not ride for her. Don't stop talking. Has she ever looked at the forum here? Would she want to chat here? Maybe a wive's forum? Just throwing this out, I don't know if this has ever been talked about. Maybe a different perspective will help her confront what she fears.

[snarf]

You aren't going to convince her, you aren't going to change her, give her more credit than that, bribing never works, plus, shes not sick, shes not broke. All you can do is help her live more comfortably with her fears, which will always be there. From you posts you understand the basis of her fears, its a rational fear. Its also evident you have sat down with her and talked about this, another good sign. A hard choice you need to make. Ride for you, not ride for her. Don't stop talking. Has she ever looked at the forum here? Would she want to chat here? Maybe a wive's forum? Just throwing this out, I don't know if this has ever been talked about. Maybe a different perspective will help her confront what she fears.

I think a wife/SO forum would be a great idea.  But they CANNOT have open access to all the areas.  THAT would not be good

[Necron99]

I want to say that motorcycle or no motorcycle, it's wise of her to plan how to handle life if you die.  As it's wise of you do do the same if she dies.  You have kids to take care of.  The fear part is another issue.

[Strawboss]

Yes, necron, I agree, I was going to say that too. I work with a lot of guys that simply have no plan whatsoever, retirement, sudden death, funeral, sickness, short or prolonged, savings, mortgage, car payment, nothing. When I turned 40 and had maybe 10 years to go before I retired, I wanted to make sure my wife did not have to work to survive or live in our house, so I took out a life insurance policy for 20 years. Our plan to life started the day we married and secondly the day I was hired. Getting back to what necron said, to not do that, have a plan, would be irresponsible in my opinion, children or no children.

[booger]

Shucks skeet, I am like your wife.  I just got back from visiting a friend of mine that sustained a brain injury in a bike crash and am wondering what the hell I am doing riding a motorcycle.    But I've been riding for near 50 years and have had these feelings before.  It will pass in a couple of weeks.

By the way, my wife made me double my life insurance when I started riding after a long hiatus.  It satisfied her concerns.

[skeet]

You aren't going to convince her, you aren't going to change her, give her more credit than that, bribing never works, plus, shes not sick, shes not broke. All you can do is help her live more comfortably with her fears, which will always be there. From you posts you understand the basis of her fears, its a rational fear. Its also evident you have sat down with her and talked about this, another good sign. A hard choice you need to make. Ride for you, not ride for her. Don't stop talking. Has she ever looked at the forum here? Would she want to chat here? Maybe a wive's forum? Just throwing this out, I don't know if this has ever been talked about. Maybe a different perspective will help her confront what she fears.

Thanks for that, I don't want her to change. I want to help her get a better perspective of the risk. Because now the two of us are at totally different ends of the spectrum. I am not sure that is possible but if I want to keep riding and stay married something has to give and it has to be agreeable to both of us or there is the possibility of problems down the road.

[xjs36uk]

Just to add my two pennies worth, I've been riding since I was 14 years old, now 43, and spent 20 years as a long distance despatch rider, in that time I was 'knocked off' some 27 times, hospitalised 3 times and died once.

I still ride and my wife loves my bikes almost as much as me, I rarely get the chance to ride alone, but she has no interest or desire to learn to ride herself.
I am a stepfather of 3 grandfather of four and great grandfather of 1  (you try telling me how that feels at 43!!!).

So with over 2 million miles under my belt you'd think the odds on 'not making it' are pretty high, I'm still here alive and kicking.

And all those years that my mother told me that bikes would be the death of me?  Nope looks like it'll be the emphacaemia, hypotension, non-fuctioning heart valve or the Tumour on my lung that'll get me. To be honest a quick exit on a bike against a slow painful exit seems more appealing.

View it how you will, when your time is up, it's up. Risk or no risk.

[DannyL]

Hopefully I can convince her that if I take some advanced riding course or something that will her easy her fears. Just need to find a way to lower her anxiety level a bit when I ride.

Skeet I could have taken a BILLION courses but not one single one of them could have prepared me for a deer crossing my path. It's just life.
I do however see her point about motorcycling being an unnecessary risk. But the problem is it's what you love to do. Myself I still ride a "quick" pace, I'm aware of the risks involved and I try to remember how much I'd miss my lovely wife and kids if "I" screw up. I can't however plan what "others or forces" want to do to me.....

I hope you can come to an understanding with your wife about how motorcycling is part of you.

[Conrad]

Just to add my two pennies worth, I've been riding since I was 14 years old, now 43, and spent 20 years as a long distance despatch rider, in that time I was 'knocked off' some 27 times, hospitalised 3 times and died once.

I still ride and my wife loves my bikes almost as much as me, I rarely get the chance to ride alone, but she has no interest or desire to learn to ride herself.
I am a stepfather of 3 grandfather of four and great grandfather of 1  (you try telling me how that feels at 43!!!).

So with over 2 million miles under my belt you'd think the odds on 'not making it' are pretty high, I'm still here alive and kicking.

And all those years that my mother told me that bikes would be the death of me?  Nope looks like it'll be the emphacaemia, hypotension, non-fuctioning heart valve or the Tumour on my lung that'll get me. To be honest a quick exit on a bike against a slow painful exit seems more appealing.

View it how you will, when your time is up, it's up. Risk or no risk.

 

You're a great grandfather at 43?   

Did you father your first child when you were 7 or what? 

[twowheeladdict]

I didn't read through all the posts to sorry if this has already been said.

Get a million dollar life insurance policy.  Now she is financially secure if you die.
Take some motorcycle training courses.  Now your skills are improved which will reduce your risk of a crash.
Assess your risk associated with riding on certain roads and time of day and mitigate your risk.  ( I changed my work schedule so I go in at 0600 which reduces the number of vehicles on the road)
I took a break when the boys were young because my attention was focused on them and spending time with them, but now I am making up for lost time.

[xjs36uk]

You're a great grandfather at 43?   

Did you father your first child when you were 7 or what? 

It's complicated, but basically, inherited family that I love as my own.

[Conrad]

It's complicated, but basically, inherited family that I love as my own.