I received this birthday card ... NOT funny!!! 

I want one.

I'm not sure about the 'middle-aged' part.

I'm not sure about the 'middle-aged' part.

That's the only 'nice' part 

I could use all those options!

Sounds like all these Girls still crying about no cruise!

I did something about it.  Got an Indian with cruise.  Best damn thing on the bike.  With my hands starting to have issues, it works wonders.