"This one time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken".

" REMEMBER THE UNDERWEAR BOMBER?"

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”


― Will Rogers


CLASSIC.

Marty... awesome vid... just awsome...

.....Cheap whores make expensive wives.....

That's about as useless as **** on a typewriter.

You don't put a five dollar hat on a two dollar whore.

She's got a three-horsepower brain driving a five-horsepower mouth.

I never was the man I used to be.

That fits like socks on a rooster

Always keep your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark

Always wear clean underwear, you never know when you'll end up in the emergency room.

Always wear clean underwear, you never know when you'll end up in the emergency room.

Trust me, if I get damaged to the point of ER folks needing to cut off my underwear,  they probably won't be clean anyway.   

Always wear clean underwear, you never know when you'll end up in the emergency room.

Yes, mother.

  don't know if this has been said....but it is on many forums...

"Pics or it didn't happen"    LOL

Yes, mother.

 
 "Don't...make me stop this car!"

   which would usually get my brother & me to stop the horseplay for a half-hour or so......

"wilder than a peach orchard hog"

Yep

No-cost home security system.

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front  yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the  center.

The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I’m saving $49.95 a month.